Tuesday 25 February 2014

'Meet my friends' Series:Tony

Meet Tony! Lives West Coastal and operates in western style; Likes chocolates, cars, toys (gadgets and thingamabobs), cologne and cocktails.

Tony likes to play all indoor and outdoor games. Plays Tennis, Cricket, Soccer and Shuttle. Has got the playing styles mixed and when he plays

Cricket – the ball falls within 22 yards even after a couple of bounces. The scorecard reads like 6:3, 7:6 and 4:6 in a three match Test series (innings score separated by :)

Tennis – the ball goes for a six; quite often out of the stadium. The highest individual score for Tony in a Tennis game is 30.

Soccer – the ball never touches the net. Quite often handles the ball with the hand and calls that ‘God’s hand’.

Shuttle – always reaches right in the middle of the net. Quite often takes the shuttle head on.

Most of the photographers in the local studios are flabbergasted to learn how this gentleman with fairly dark complexion looks so white in the photographs. Though his office front desk team keeps two photographs to identify Tony (One with a mustache and one with no mustache) Tony manages to unsettle the front desk by an ever changing hairstyle and grooming.

Tony Likes chocolates and cakes so much that after taking a bite, he applies a trace of cake on clothing as well. His cologne collection matches to the perfume collection in the car. Incidentally, Tony and his car will carry the same hint of a scent during weekdays and weekends. As a couple, when Tony goes to a party, his outfit would match to the same colors that of his spouse, Yellow or Purple.

Tony can draw pictures in his handheld device as well as can exhibit connoisseur’s twist in the cocktails. Tony Sings. And it is sufficient to say that the entire Villas know that Tony sings.

Tony's accessories collection is envied by all at Allianz and at the Villas. The collection of sun glasses are of primary interest for the official gossip. A few young fellows who wanted to outsmart Tony with looks have left the company. A few old and rhyming ones who cannot match his looks and who cannot afford to quit started saying admittedly 'Whatever I wear, I cannot match up to Tony's eye wear'.


Meet Tony! Lives West Coastal and operates in western style. 

Personal Space in India

Arriving into Mumbai, I did all the things a typical new-comer does. A Mumbai-Darshan, a few plates of pani puri, dahi puri and vada pavs. After a few months of travelling in the comfort of A.C. buses to commute to work, I decided to take a train ride from Vashi to CST just to feel what it is like. Holy dooly! It was a ride of my life. And I was told, later, that the train was only three fourth full. It was a Saturday and I was in my casuals with slippers on. Casuals: right choice. Slippers: wrong. Here’s a piece of travel tip I can give to train commuters in Mumbai. Wear Shoes!

After the train ride, I wanted to write a full length article on Mumbai trains. Then again, a lot had been written and an article on Mumbai trains would be the last piece of newspaper column a mumbaikar would like to read. Nevertheless, I want to talk about personal space in India. Let's take a ride!

India has a total land area of 3,287,263 square kilometers and as per the last census in 2011, has 1210 million people — a densely populated country. However, with consideration and respect for each other's personal space, we could all have our personal zones, outside the safety of our homes as well. Unfortunately, the notion of personal space is something not embraced, in our social lives.

Let us talk about a few places where a lot of people can be seen. Movie theatre! Buses! Restaurants!

Movie theatre! Hilarious things have been said and written about the queue formation to get a ticket for a movie. There are no rules! People walk on each other and there will only be a few feeble protests when someone climbs up to walk on others' shoulders to reach the box office. Lasith Malinga, a recognized toe crusher worldwide, would certainly be envious of the thousands of toe crushers in numerous movie halls in various states. It is granted that we will rub against others while trying to reach our seats. That is the designed way of moving around inside of a movie hall. If I don't want to step on others' toes or not rub against their knees, then I have to turn into a small reptile to creep up against the back of a chair and reach the allotted seat. Perhaps I have to remain as a reptile for the reminder of my stay inside the movie hall, to avoid legs and hands getting into my personal space.

Buses! In some of the city buses, even a reptile cannot creep into a safety of a seat or reach a corner to stand without rubbing against someone else. I have to be a fly; a small fly at that, to keep flying above the heads of fellow passengers. Sometimes, I may get lucky and find my own personal space inside of a bus. However, people get creative to violate the personal space. Passengers sneeze or cough out so loud without any protection and I can feel the impact on the back of my head. While getting down, I have to jump out. Delay of a second and a fellow passenger would put a hand on my shoulder and will *help* me out.

Restaurants! Any fancy and a good looking restaurant would have the smallest of a rest room facility, even in metro cities. I have to transform to an acrobatic specialist to be able to stand in the narrow space and attend to nature's call. The spacing inside of the dining hall can be classified as following, in terms of accessibility to the closest table.

1. I cannot hear the sound of cutlery from the sloppiest of an eater at next table - will have to pay an arm and a leg for such a restaurant.
2. I cannot smell the food in the next table - Still a costly outfit.
3. I can smell the food. I can hear them eat - About 15 percent of the restaurants.
4. I can reach the food from the next table without stretching my hand - About 80 percent of them.

Traffic! For the purpose of this column, let us restrict our discussion to space violations. In contemporary traffic, between two vehicles, if there is enough space for a two wheeler, an auto-rickshaw gets in between. If there is space for an auto, a car gets in between. For two wheelers and auto, the rule is to get the front wheel into an empty space available. Then, they will worry about the rest of the body of the vehicle. In the buses there are writings 'Don't stretch your hand or head outside'. In the current conditions, the writing has to really say 'Stretch your hand or head outside, if you can; and call this number to communicate your recent record to Guinness book'. Over the years, the distance between two adjacent vehicles have been reduced from a few feet to within a foot and thereon to within a few centimetres and now in millimetres.

Then there are elevators, share autos and internet browsing centres where space for one person is taken up by at least two. The irony is that I am looked upon as a creature from another planet when I respect someone else's space and provide ways and means to create space for them - in a bus, train or in a restaurant. Having tried and failed at many attempts to spread the concept, now I take it up on my own to protect self. I travel with my new outfit to escape from rubbing, pushing and nudging — a bullet proof vest, a rain coat with gloves and a helmet on. 

Saturday 15 February 2014

Left or Right

On a summer afternoon, two of us were playing a game of Ping Pong. The year and place are trivial to this discussion. I don’t know if it was after a ping or a pong, but the effect was BANG! The ball hit right on my right eye and a lot of tears left from both right and left. My challenger across the table quipped “Your right eye is not right!” Almost immediately I replied “But, my left eye is left”. Right there it was. A Pong for a Ping! Playing with what was left in my own right, I hit the ball left and right and left as a winner from the game.

All these years, whenever I write in English, I marvel at the power of the language with simple words such as Right and Left. Let us go back to the game. My challenger, a politician, was (and probably still is) a Rightist; Standing at the right side of the table, using the right techniques, playing the game right, right handed. Everything about him was Right. At the end of the game, having lost the game, he was left with a wry smile when I called him a left wing politician, directionally.

I am a Righty; not a Rightist. In Tennis, I like a righty who plays lefty. In music also, I like a righty who plays lefty. I am not sure if the lefties are left-brained and the righties are right-brained. Suddenly, I feel the fun element from the two words is missing in our dialogue. Let us bring in fictitious characters: Joe Right and John Left. Obviously, they both are Americans.

Joe Right and John Left have been friends since school days. Let us pick a super-bowl evening for the narration. Right and Left settled in front of the television at a friend’s place, with the super-bowl ritual of burgers, bites and a case of beers. The action-packed game had it all: Touch-downs, Field goals and striking passes. Joe and John got high and started a mini ballgame, right there in the hall. They were anything but upright and totally uptight. A pass from Joe hit the ceiling and bounced a couple of times, breaking the loosely fit coffee table in both sides. There was a lame joke from Joe on something about a coffee break or needing a coffee break which John summarily dismissed and disapproved of.

The game and the beer got over.  The reality sunk in. Joe and John, always team men, split the work half and half. They made an agreement that the table would be fixed prior to both leaving for their respective homes.  Joe would fix the right side of the table and John would fix whatever was left. Right, a loner, lived left and left alone. Left lived right and in his mind at least, lived right.

When the pact came to fixing the coffee table, Joe Right did the right and left. John Left left in a hurry without keeping his part of the bargain. So, on that very occasion, Right right right right, left and turned left and Left left left, left and turned right. Cheers J